Adolescence
The transition from child to teenager is a difficult period for most young people whatever their circumstances. They are experiencing hormonal changes, they may be under pressure to keep up with school work, and they are discovering that the world around them, whilst offering new freedoms and exciting opportunities, can also be a dangerous and confusing place. The fact that no two youngsters develop at the same pace, and parents or guardians have varying levels of anxiety over their children’s welfare, frequently brings stress in relationships with peers and family.
Feelings of isolation, insecurities, resentment, frustrations or even boredom, leading to what adults describe as” unsocial behaviour” are quite normal. Mostly such feelings disappear as the youngster matures.
Through no fault of their own, many young persons have grown up in such circumstances or have been involved in an event, or series of events that in some, but not all cases, the “normal” difficulties of adolescence are intensified.
Counselling can offer unsettled adolescents...
...a safe and structured environment in which to recognise both the positive and the negative influences of their childhood, express freely their feelings and anxieties, articulate their desires and identify how to come to terms with and deal with current pressures. It is particularly important to note that client confidentiality applies equally to children as to adults. Accordingly young clients can be assured that I will be able to provide them with a safe environment in which whatever they choose to share with me will neither judged nor divulged.
Anger Management
Anger is an emotional response to any situation that the individual feels could have been avoided. Everyone gets angry at some time or another. However, sometimes the anger becomes overwhelming and it can get beyond control.Anger can be vented against inanimate objects but typically manifests itself in what may be described as anti-social behaviour - perhaps verbal or in the form of physical aggression, disruptiveness or lack of co-operation. Unless that behaviour forces another to change their minds or to meet a set of demands, and it usually doesn’t, anger rarely changes the situation. Regardless of whether the person reacts instantaneously or allows the resentment to build up over time, learning to manage their anger can only begin when that essential truth is acknowledged.
It is also recognised that some persons feel a general non specific anger directed at the world around them rather than towards a particular event or situation. Such persons may believe that they are perhaps unlucky and can become envious of others’ lifestyles or they may feel victimised. Frequently, because they can become obsessive and spend time thinking about their situation, their language can become highly imaginative or spiteful.
Unless anger is understood and heard, a person under the strain of their feelings can become either a danger to themselves or to others. Anger management requires a person to be helped to identify the factors that trigger the reactions and how to come to terms with given situations.
Counselling through exploring a person’s present and past experiences and their personality can help them to develop a calmer and more reflective approach to dealing with problems or disappointments. In particular I review with my clients instances in which their response, either physical or verbal, may have been inappropriate so that they gain confidence in being able to cope with the circumstances in which they found themselves in.
Anxieties
Anxiety, real or imagined, arises when an individual is unable to predict the behaviour of another or the outcome of an event and believes that the consequences will in some way be unpleasant or embarrassing to them. Everyone experiences a degree of anxiety about something or other in the course of their lives; typically school examinations, taking on a new job, speaking to a group of people, getting married and having children: Questions such as what will happen if it doesn’t work out, what if my colleagues don’t like me, none of which can be properly answered unless and until the worst actually occurs, worry the person about to embark on the action. Coping with such anxiety can undermine the confidence of the individual.Some anxieties can affect a person physically and manifestations can include palpitations, headaches and migraines, nausea and nervous indigestion, dizziness, blurred vision, blushing, facial tics, bodily aches and pains, weakness and general malaise. Panic attacks can occur unexpectedly even when the individual is not consciously thinking about the subject of concern. At the extreme, an individual suffering from severe anxieties will be unable to make the decision and take the necessary action that would allow them to move their lives forward, in effect incapacitating them.
Counselling can help to release anxiety by unlocking the underlying fears that the person has with regard to an outcome eg not the fact that work colleagues might not like the person but why it matters if they don’t?
Whilst it might be necessary to find practical solutions to the issues giving rise to the anxiety, I will help clients identify and articulate their underlying fears and to find coping mechanisms to overcome them and to restore their self- esteem.
Bereavement
Whilst the death of a loved family member or close friend is something that all adults will experience at some time or other, bereavement affects everyone in different ways. Whatever the circumstances surrounding the death, simply recognising the loss can be difficult for many people. Others exhibit a range of adverse reactions that for many extend from anger and frustration to feelings of hopelessness and depression. In addition bereavement frequently presents a range of issues arising from the relationship that existed between the departed and the surviving party, amongst the most common being guilt. It is not unusual for these issues to emerge long after the initial trauma of the death.Children who become bereaved will experience similar feelings but because they, and their peers, may not understand the true nature of death they may become confused or try to isolate themselves from family and friends. This can lead to behavioural difficulties if the child is not supported sensitively.
Where the death, for whatever reason, is considered to have been premature, the reactions of the bereaved person can be more extreme and the focus of their loss to the exclusion of all else can also lead to the deterioration in their general health.
Counselling aids the grieving process by encouraging the bereaved person to articulate their memories and feelings and can be one of several important care therapies that allow them to come to terms with their loss and to return, as far as possible and practical, to an active social and economic life.
Loss
Where an individual has formed a strong emotional attachment to a physical object, a relationship or even an idea, so that it becomes a valued possession, its permanent loss, howsoever caused, can be devastating, disturbing and frustrating for that person. This is especially so when the loss occurs unexpectedly and is totally outside the control of the person suffering the loss.Bereavement (see above) is one particular form of loss but the child who thinks his parents have abandoned him after a divorce, the worker who is made redundant after years of committed service to an organisation, the immigrant who has given up his community and familiar surroundings to live in a seemingly alien culture, initially feel a sense of loss almost as acutely.
Counselling for loss generally requires the person affected to progress through several stages of grieving, principally recognition, reaction, reflection, acceptance and action. Clearly substitutes may be found for many, but obviously not all, types of losses, and through counselling I can assist my clients identify the possibilities and to redirect their emotional attachments.
Couples
Despite the fact that the vast majority of couples start their lives together in love, share common interests and are optimistic about their future, unforeseen events and, all too often, everyday pressures can destroy their relationship. The possible causes of breakdown are limitless but typically they include sexual dysfunction, child birth and subsequent child care, inability to conceive, differences with members of their respective families, work related problems, financial difficulties, drug and alcohol dependency, illness and disability and changes of goals and aspirations. Whilst no less distressing from an individual’s perspective, occasionally problems become exaggerated out of proportion by one or other of the parties or may seem to be insoluble. Apart from open argument, which of itself can in fact be beneficial in airing a disagreement, symptoms of the breakdown of the relationship may appear in the behaviour of the parties. Inability to communicate or even to listen, avoidance or exclusion of the other from aspects of their life, seeking and entering other relationships and, regrettably in certain instances, resorting to a form of violence are some of the ways in which people choose to express their disaffection. Of course this behaviour only serves to magnify the original problem and, almost inevitably, a vicious circle is created and the relationship degenerates.
Counselling can help couples to recognise the breakdown, and providing they are willing to work at re-establishing their relationship, can help them to identify each other’s unfulfilled physical and emotional needs. I encourage clients to identify to accept given situations and personal limitations, to understand and respect the other’s values and, where appropriate, to create space for individual development. Ultimately this process will involve one or both of the parties agreeing to make changes to their attitude and behaviour and, where practical, taking steps to resolve the prime source of disaccord.
Whilst the outcomes may be similar, the counselling process differs from mediation, which seeks to find a solution to a problem that each of the parties can accept without necessarily exploring the root of the problem. However, it is worth noting that, with respect to couples clients, I endeavour to give equal time and attention to each of the parties to ensure that their concerns are fully aired.
Relationships
There have been more self-help books written on the subject of relationships than any other in the whole spectrum of mental and physical health.Whether it is forming and maintaining friendships, or influencing or negotiating with other people and groups in our family, socially, in business and work environments, good relationships, by which we mean maintaining harmonious interactions around common interest, are probably one of the most important aspects of our being.
It should be remembered that we all have different personalities, which makes it extremely unlikely that we will relate easily with every member of the various circles in which we move. However, in principle it is important that, if we have to deal in any way with those who for whatever reason we do not like, it is done civilly and with respect..
The varying circumstances in which people for m relationships and in which those relationships break down or do not achieve the goals for which they are intended, means that it is almost impossible to characterise the problems likely to arise other than in the most general of terms (however, see for example, Couples, above). By and large it is the failure to communicate clearly and effectively, usually accompanied by a lack of mutual trust, that creates the problems and which must be rectified if the relationship is to be established or re-established.
I can assist clients having to adjust to a broken relationship or handle a difficult one by allowing them to voice grievances in the safety of the counselling process whilst, at the same time, encouraging them to consider the relationship from the perspective of the other party. This allows them to assess for themselves whether any change in their own behaviour would improve matters.
It is also essential for the person affected to determine what, if any, outcome they expect from the improved relationship and whether this will satisfy them. There are, of course, circumstances in which, if it is in fact possible, it may be preferable to put the relationship behind them rather than extend the unhappiness that follows if their offers and gestures are rejected. In these instances, it may be appropriate to introduce aspects of loss counselling (see above).
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Any person involved in a traumatic event, be it the result of an accident, a crime, war or a natural disaster, whether as victim, witness or emergency worker, is likely to experience a measure of shock, anger, discomfort and stress. In many cases a reaction can be expected to manifest itself some considerable time after the occurrence.The scale of the trauma will be a critical factor but common after effects are anxiety about the possibility of the recurrence of similar events, obsessive caution for themselves and loved ones, constant reminiscing, troubled dreams, exhaustion, restlessness and an inability to concentrate on daily routines. It is normal for those affected to experience feelings of guilt, perhaps for having survived or remaining uninjured, shame, thinking that they could in some way have prevented the disaster or done more to assist those injured, and anger at those, rightly or wrongly, they feel responsible. If the trauma also resulted in a personal bereavement then these reactions will be intensified.
There is no single form of therapy to enable those experiencing a human tragedy to come to terms with its consequences and any recovery may need to take place over an extended period of time. Counselling can offer clients empathy and support in the immediate aftermath of the event but in the longer term I see my role as encouraging clients to find the inner strength to come to terms with the trauma and to find the positive aspects of their lives on which they can build.
Work Life Balance
Stress can be an unnoticed and gradual build up of many pressures experienced at work, at home and in everyday life. To be completed. Back to Top
